First Day...but really the last

With three kids, there have been many firsts; First tooth, first steps, first birthdays, and first days of school...to name a few.

Firsts are always exciting. I know they have many more firsts to go, but tomorrow is the first day of school that I am actually thinking about their LASTS.

Kiersten starts her last year of high school ever.
Kamryn starts her last year of mid high school ever.
Ben starts his last year of elementary school ever.

When did their first start being their last?

I find myself praying even more now. Not obly for their well-being, but now....for mine.

I pray, as Benjamin starts his last year of elementary school that I am able to stop worrying about him so much and just enjoy the fact that he still wants a hug in the morning before school, that he still enjoys school, and that I will relish the opportunity to volunteer in his class. I pray that he finds his teacher loving him, not only despite his sensitive nature, but because of it. I pray for my anxiety at the end of each day when I get his report and that I am reassured that I am doing the best I can as a mom. Reassure me, God, that the boy we are raising, will someday use his sensitive nature to be a great man one day, who dances when he hears the music and doesn't care who is watching, who holds back the hair of his girlfriend so she doesn't burn her hair when she blows out candles, who cries when he sees someone else is pain. Lord, throw the blanket of weight off my shoulders and let me just enjoy his many lengthy hard to follow conversations with me, even when he thinks I might not be listening. Open my ears and tell me to put the phone down when he talks.

I pray, as Kamryn starts her last year at Cavelero, that I can stop comparing her multiple talents and gifts to others as if it's some feat I accomplished, that I am somehow the one who is so smart but doesnt feel the need to get all As for any other reason than for the satisfaction of it, that I am somehow gifted with athletic ability that I don't feel the need to exploit or prove to those on the sidelines. I pray that I forget what others think, because, really....people are worrying about their own kids. I don't have to push or encourage her to be something she doesn't feel the need to be. She already is spectacular in every way. It's ok for her to not care about the first day outfit or who is wearing what. It's ok for her to be exactly how she is and know her real friends love her for it. I pray that I can keep my mouth shut and learn a lesson or two from her.

I pray that I can hold back the tears as Kiersten gets closer and closer to her very last day of high school. Lord, help me usher her into the next phase of her life without letting my anxieties show.  I am confident in her responsibility and great work ethic. I know she will be fine. Help me to show it, when the Devil wants to play advocate and scare me. Help me to look at her and all she has done and overcome.  Help me to be ok with not getting a text back within 30 min. Remind me she doesn't text while driving, so I should be proud and not worried. :)
Remind me that she knows, without a shadow of a doubt, that we are proud of the woman she is becoming...
And help me to remind her everyday with my actions.

I am not good with lasts.
I will never be good with lasts.
But, I can't turn back the clock to the first time I laid eyes on each one of them and start over, so here's to the first of the lasts.