Biopsies and the unknown

 August 10th

One week after the mammogram and ultrasound and I was back for a biopsy. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I couldn't feel the needle going in to take a chunk out of the tumor but I certainly felt it sliding out. Weird. 

Waiting for the results was absolute torture. 

TORTURE!

What kind of tumor would it be? What am I in for? Who should I tell? How long do I have? Is this how I die? Am I being dramatic? Should I start to prepare? But what do I prepare for? What about my kids? What about my boobs? What about my hair? Will I gain more weight I can't afford? Why is this happening to me? Did we catch it early enough? Why am I an idiot because I didn't have a mammogram since 2020? Can't I do anything right? Why can't I sleep? Why are boobs even important? Why do people care what they look like when cancer could come in and rip your outward beauty away in a second? Why did my pug have to die? Why do bad things happen? How will I respond to this? How SHOULD I respond? What's for dinner?

Unknowns and unanswered questions are torture.