Thankful eve

Oh boy. It's an hour away from November 1st again and already.

For the past few years I've participated in the Facebook November Thankful Challenge, and this year I will do it again.

But, man oh man, this year has been a doozy.

Something is pulling me into a negative space lately. It's this woe is me, why do I have to get out of bed and adult type space I feel claustrophobic in.

The morning brings nausea and dread and begs me to stay under the covers. The evening brings a headache, pounding failures securely in my brain, making it hard to sleep. 

But, that's a bit too real. 

This first day of being Thankful forces that crap out of the way for a second and makes me pause for the "it could be worse" phrase and the even more true "it's not that bad" saying.  Being thankful needs, now more than ever, to be part of my mantra....not just in the month of November.

So, is forced thankfulness even worth it? If it's forced, does that mean it isn't real? The last thing I want to be is fake, but there has to be some truth in the fact that sometimes you have to fake it to make it. 

I must be thankful for each day I am breathing even when breathing is the last thing I want to do.

I WILL give thanks.